Sad Day Today

My friend was in a car accident on November 1st and she passed away. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about her… and I can’t listen to the song: If I Die Young by The Band Perry because obvious reasons, she died young, and I think about all the things she’ll never get to do or see, and it just breaks my heart. I feel so guilty because I just couldn’t get out of bed to go to her funeral, and I regret it not telling her goodbye and for being there for me. I just couldn’t walk into that church and see her. I’ve visited her grave, but… it’s just… it’s still un-real, and I feel like… nothing’s ever gonna help me get over this. People keep saying she’s in a better place, but I just can’t think how is somewhere better if all her family and friends are down here that need her. It hurts. I can’t exactly cry about it because my mom doesn’t understand that we were good friends, she knows we were friends but I don’t think she ever realized how close we were because we talked mostly on the computer she had graduated highschool a year before I was a freshman and we met at the library. She was going to make the cover art for my book. When ever I had something that was making me sad I went to her because she was my big sister I’ve never had. Now she’s gone and things are just collapsing around me. I miss her so much, I feel like there’s apart of me missing. I feel like there’s so much pressure on my chest walking past her picture at school. It’s horrible. He brother’s a senior this year and he doesn’t know we were good friends but I can just imagine how much he’d going through, and I don’t know how he’s handling this so well. Idk I just really needed to get all this off my chest.